Tears at drop-off are one of the most common worries we hear from parents, especially in the first weeks. The good news: it is a normal stage, and a few small habits make goodbyes shorter and calmer for everyone.
Why goodbyes get hard
Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), many babies first show it around 9 months, and many toddlers who skipped it as babies start at 15 or 18 months. Goodbyes tend to be harder when a child is hungry, tired or sick.
By age 3, most children understand that their pleas have an effect on you. That is why the AAP suggests staying consistent and not coming back in because of crying. The AAP also notes that it is rare for separation anxiety to keep going every day after the preschool years.
Six things that help at drop-off
These come from the AAP’s guide for parents on HealthyChildren.org.
- Make a quick goodbye ritual. A special handshake, three kisses at the cubby or a favorite blanket. Keep it short: a long goodbye makes the worry last longer.
- Be consistent. Same drop-off, same ritual, about the same time every day.
- Give your full attention, then go. Be fully present for the goodbye, then leave, even if your child cries or asks you to stay.
- Keep your promise. Come back when you said you would. Popping back in to check can start the worry all over again.
- Say when you will be back, in your child’s terms. “After nap and before afternoon snack” means more to a toddler than “at 3 o’clock.”
- Practice being apart. Short times with a grandparent, a sitter or a playdate help. Before the first day, practice the drive to school and your goodbye ritual.
A few more ideas for the first weeks
- Talk about school ahead of time, in a calm, upbeat way: who the teachers are, what toys are there, when you will pick up.
- Bring something from home if the classroom allows it, like a small comfort item.
- Keep the morning calm. Lay out clothes and pack the bag the night before so you are not rushing.
- Ask how the day went. At Little Learners, teachers post photos and notes in the Brightwheel app every day, so you can see your child settling in, even on a teary morning.
How we help at Little Learners
Our toddler (12 months to 3 years) and preschool (3 to 5 years) teachers help children through goodbyes every morning, with a steady daily routine and plenty of play to move on to. If you would like to see a morning for yourself, request a tour.